10 Things a Neurodivergent Person Wants You to Know

Author: Bushra Hashim

You’ve probably heard the term neurodiversity thrown around in recent years—maybe in a tweet, a headline, or during a Zoom meeting—but what does it actually mean? Let me save you a rather convoluted Google search: neurodiversity refers to the natural variation in neurological functioning of humankind. Not limited by gender, race, or background—neurodiversity is intersectional by nature and exists on a spectrum. Since we all have differences in how we think, process, and experience the world, we’re all neurodiverse.

These 10 things a neurodivergent person wants you to know aren’t universal truths for everyone who shares this identity—they are my own as a neurodivergent woman of colour, diagnosed at the charmingly inconvenient onset of my quarter-life crisis. But I hope they resonate beyond my own experience. From invisible struggles to unsung strengths, this article will offer a glimpse what it’s really like— served with a side-order of tongue-in-cheek humour.

1.  “You don’t look neurodivergent.”

Fact Check: Neurodivergence falls on a spectrum, so it’s appearance is as varied as the individuals it encompasses.

Something I learned the hard way is that neurodivergence doesn’t always announce itself. It’s a bit like Wi-Fi—invisible, but painfully obvious when disrupted. I spent the better part of my life as the model student: quiet, well-behaved, and nailing those assignments like I was auditioning for "Overachiever of the Year." What people didn’t see was the constant effort it took to keep everything together behind the scenes.

Neurodivergence often exists offstage, where people don’t witness the struggle to remember daily tasks, or the mental gymnastics needed to complete seemingly simple activities. In fact, many neurodivergent individuals, spend an impressive amount of time masking—hiding our real thoughts and behaviors to fit into neurotypical environments. It’s like running a marathon while trying to make it look effortless, while inside, everything is on fire, there’s a rock in your shoe, and the finish line is nowhere to be seen because it doesn’t exist. Exhausting.

2.  "You were diagnosed late? That must mean it’s not that serious"

Fact Check: A late diagnosis doesn’t mean minimal impact—it means decades of unnoticed challenges. constant confusion and existential dread.

Getting diagnosed later in life is kind of like getting the manual for a machine I’ve been operating for decades without instructions. I played by rules I didn’t understand.

No matter how well I performed on the outside, there was a constant struggle within. I wondered why seemingly simple tasks like keeping track of time (time blindness), remembering where I put things (object permanence), or finishing tasks that didn’t immediately interest me (interest-based motivation) felt like Herculean efforts. Looking at you, emails.

Regrettably, late diagnosis is the lived reality of many women who have spent years navigating life with blinders on. It means we’ve spent years developing creative (and probably inefficient) coping mechanisms and comorbidities to get by without understanding how best to support ourselves. Today as an adult, I’m still learning what it means to be neurodivergent, how to understand the ways my brain processes the world, and how to accept it in a world that doesn’t.

3.  “If you were neurodivergent, you would’ve known sooner.”

Fact Check: Societal and cultural expectations often delay the recognition of neurodivergence, especially in women and people of color.

Turns out, late diagnosis is also particularly common in people of color, which makes me two for two. Neurodivergent traits present differently in girls, which, due to their subtlety, makes them easier to miss. In many cultures, behaviors that might indicate neurodivergence—like inattentiveness or impulsivity—are dismissed as discipline issues rather than something to see your doctor about. Any behavior outside the norm being seen as deviance meant that I just needed to “try harder.” Anyone who knows me knows that I am, in fact, a tryhard (who couldn’t have tried any harder).

Sure, I managed for a while—until I didn’t. When I walked into my doctor’s office, I thought I had developed asthma. As it turns out, managing chronic stress and burnout (from navigating life without the right support) can feel a lot like not being able to breathe. Who knew? I left that doctor’s office with a list of diagnoses, none of which were prescribed with “try harder.”

4.  “You’re probably just stressed or depressed.”

Fact Check: Women who externalize their needs are more likely to be misdiagnosed with a mental health condition, while underlying neurodivergent traits go unnoticed.

Stress is the go-to explanation for almost everything. Got brain fog? It’s stress. Forget where you put your keys for the third time this week? Must be stress. Everything I struggled with—attention, memory, time management—was chalked up to stress, anxiety, and depression. While these exacerbate and are exacerbated by neurodivergence, they aren’t the root cause. No number of breathing exercises, scented candles or medication is going to change that. Alas, I wasn’t one nap away from having my life together.

When I finally received my diagnosis, something clicked—why I struggled to keep up, why certain environments drained me, why I could focus intensely on some things while ignoring others. A possibility is only one if its known, and so with the relief came grief. It’s a bittersweet revelation, understanding yourself whilst accepting how long it took to get there.

5. “Why are you being difficult?”

Fact Check: What might seem like being “difficult” is often just someone trying to navigate tasks that don’t align with how their brain processes information.

Spoiler: I’m not choosing to be difficult and I’m not choosing to challenge authority.

What I’m choosing is to understand the why behind the what. Call it my built-in quality control or reading the fine print before clicking “I agree” on terms and conditions. It’s not only good practice, but it should also be common practice. 

Neurodivergent individuals have a knack for spotting patterns and connections that others might overlook. Whether it’s identifying trends in data or understanding complex systems, we can take in the big picture and the fine details. In fields like research, design, and technology, the ability to see connections in chaos is a game-changer. It offers a way of thinking that breaks the mold—and honestly, the mold could use some breaking.

6. "You can’t handle stressful environments"

Fact Check: Neurodivergent people develop incredible resilience through navigating a world not built for them.

When I have to deal with open-plan offices, constant noise, overhead lighting, phones ringing, music blasting, and people talking—all at the same time—that’s not stressful, that’s a sensory assault. Neurodivergent or not, no brain thrives in conditions the acoustic equivalent of trying to work inside a running washing machine.

Physical environments play a huge role in our cognitive capacities, and we don’t ever exist in isolation of one. Neurodivergent brains are often highly resilient because they’ve been forced to adapt to incompatible environments. But this means we are spent for the rest of the day. Imagine trying to grow a cactus in a rainforest: it’s not going to grow, but more importantly, would it be fair to blame the cactus for not being able to? In the right environment—one designed with our sensory needs in mind—we can go further.

7. "You’re not capable of big responsibilities."

Fact Check: Many highly successful people, from entrepreneurs to innovators, are neurodivergent. It’s not about capability—it’s about the capacity to leverage unique approaches to achieve big things.

One of the most persistent misconceptions about neurodivergence is that it somehow disqualifies us from handling major responsibilities. The reality is that neurodivergent people are leaders and trailblazers because they excel in roles that require creative problem-solving, big-picture thinking, and innovation. What we need are environments that allow us to harness these strengths rather than stifling them with rigid expectations and crippling assumptions. I believe one of my greatest strengths lies in thinking outside the box and refusing to colour inside lines that don’t make sense to me. In this ever-changing world, this strength isn’t just an asset—it’s essential.

Akin to our formidable opposable thumbs, neurodiversity strengthens us, not despite our differences, but because of them. Taking a page out of Madison Tevlin's book: Assume that I can, so maybe I will. Assumptions become reality. So, if you must assume, assuming you can is the first step to seeing how well you can do it.

8. "You’re too emotional"

Fact Check: The way our brains process sensory input—whether it’s sounds, lights, or someone chewing too loudly—affects how we experience emotions, neurodivergent or not.

Think of sensory processing and emotions as yin and yang—distinct yet deeply intertwined forces that influence one another. Sensory experiences can amplify emotions, and emotions, in turn, shape how we perceive and respond to sensory input. Together, they create a dynamic interplay that defines how we experience the world.

Intense sensory experiences can lead to intense emotional responses, and that is neither a bad thing, nor does it need to be fixed. With emotional intensity can also come a strong sense of justice. Whether it’s relationships, work, or binge-watching a new Netflix series, it fuels my passion for what I’m invested in and helps me create, connect, and build something meaningful. Give me a task I’m passionate about, and I’ll move mountains. Hand me something that doesn’t spark interest, and...well, the mountain might stay put for a while.

9. "Everyone gets distracted sometimes"

Fact Check: While distractions affect everyone, neurodivergent people are often more attuned to novel stimuli, making it harder to maintain focus and process information efficiently.

There’s a difference between forgetting to reply to an email and forgetting that the email even existed. For neurodivergent individuals, distraction isn’t a fleeting moment—it’s a constant background hum. This heightened awareness means we’re processing multiple streams of information at once, with some skipping over our long-term memory.

A little feature called object permanence, best captured by the idiom “out of sight, out of mind” or the psychological phenomena of the ‘doorway effect,’ it doesn’t only apply to physical objects—emails, appointments, and even birthdays can vanish once they’re no longer right in front of me (RIP to my 11th). The trick? To-do lists, timers, and a calendar reminder that my own birthday is, in fact, a yearly event.

Distraction may be part of my process, but so is flexibility and the ability to pivot quickly when needed. Call it a trade-off, and one that often works in my favour.

10. "It’s all in your head."

Fact Check: Neurodivergence is indeed in your head—that makes it all the more real.

The concept of neurotypicality speaks to societal and institutional norms and frameworks that favour certain behaviors, productivity styles, and cognitive patterns. Neurodivergence is not going to magically disappear because we decided to be more organized or because we set SMART goals. (Trust me, I’ve tried).

Learning about how my brain works was critical to learning my strengths, improving my weaknesses and advocating for my needs. It wasn’t possible for me to set my boundaries without knowing the person who needed to set them. As it cannot be separated from who I am, the goal is to live in a way that honours it—anything else would be a disservice to the body that homes it.

Neurodivergent people are not here to fit into someone else’s idea of normal—that’s exhausting, and we have better things to do.

Conclusion: Beyond the Buzzwords

If there’s one thing to take away from this, it’s that cognitive diversity isn’t the exception; it’s the norm that encompasses the 8 billion people who collectively breathe today. It is my hope that the next time someone tells you they’re neurodivergent, you choose curiosity over judgment. Real progress? That starts with understanding. And understanding? Well, that starts with you.

Information About the Author

Bushra Hashim an Adaptive Design Specialist, Intern Architect, AAA. At METAFOR Architecture Inc. in Calgary Alberta.

Bushra is an Adaptive Design Specialist who merges her architectural expertise with a passion for creating inclusive environments. With a focus on designing for neurodiversity, she has been featured in magazines like Canadian Architect for her work in mind-friendly spaces, advocating for environments that empower individuals of all abilities to thrive. Beyond work, Bushra is dedicated to broadening the conversation around human-centered design and health and wellbeing as a Sessional instructor at the University of Calgary’s School of Architecture, Planning, and Landscape, and a member of the Rick Hansen Foundation’s Accessibility Certification (RHFAC) technical subcommittee.

As a neurodivergent woman of colour, Bushra brings a unique perspective to her work, combining lived experience with professional insights to rethink how environments can better support diverse cognitive needs. She believes in a future where buildings and systems are designed beyond the “one-size-fits-all” approach to create places that are as adaptable and diverse as the people who use them.